Message
If I were asked to identify the one thing that has the most negative effect on the church, I would say that without a doubt, it is the problem of GOSSIP. A congregation enjoys a relative amount of peace and can focus on its mission of preaching the gospel in the absence of rumors being spread by people who have no control over their tongue.
“Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; And where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.” Prov. 26:20
Gossip can affect the victim’s disposition, reputation and family; it is ruthless and typically spreads worse than a California wildfire. I have witnessed how it can terminate relationships, destroy business opportunities and cause immeasurable emotional suffering.
“A perverse man sows strife, And a whisperer separates the best of friends.” Prov. 16:28
The most amazing characteristic about a rumored story is how it seems to grow as it passes from person to person. People like to add their own spicy details as they dispatch it… it makes them feel like they have something important to tell others that nobody else knows.
Let me first clarify that gossip is NOT limited to the spreading of LIES! It is rumoring the personal or private affairs of others. It usually starts with a small reality then distorts as it passes from person to person.
The rule I use to measure my own conversation is that if I catch myself saying something about another person that I would feel uncomfortable saying in their presence, then it is gossip. Most of us fall into this trap frequently and know the difficulty of taming our tongue.
“For we all stumble in many things. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle the whole body. Indeed, we put bits in horses' mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. The tongue is so set among our members that it defiles the whole body, and sets on fire the course of nature; and it is set on fire by hell.” James 3:2-6
“But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God.” James 3:8-9
The Apostle James put it so well! The power of the tongue is amazing! Notice what he wrote in verse two: “…. If anyone does not stumble in word, he is a perfect man”
These verses bring out two important truths: First, we ALL have the same problem of having an unruly tongue. Second, learning to control it is imperative if we are going to live as true Christians. It all seems so simple!
I have been the victim of gossip, and I have spread gossip. Because of my own rowdy mouth, I try not to take everything people say about me too much to heart. Here is one of my favorite verses:
“Also do not take to heart everything people say, Lest you hear your servant cursing you. For many times, also, your own heart has known That even you have cursed others.” Eccl. 7:21-22
Here are a couple cute stories from my family:
My wife came home from a preaching engagement one day and told me that a person came to her and said straight-out: “Is it true that you have 50 million dollars in the bank”. Jill is a very composed person and in her typically refined way, casually pulled out her airline ticket and showed it to the other person saying: “Dear, do you think I would be traveling ‘coach class’ if I had that much money? I think not. I would have come in my own private jet.” That statement adequately answered the question. Whether or not the other person chose to believe her is another story.
When she told me story over coffee the day after she returned home, we both just sat and stared at each other, wondering how people can exaggerate to the point of the ridiculous – yet make others think they are telling the truth!
My son Jason told me a story recently that had us both laughing so hard we were temporarily speechless. One of his office assistants said:
“Dr. Barlock, I just have to ask you something... We here in the office have often commented on how you always talk about your Mom and Dad and act like you are all so close… but we heard from the manager of another orthodontics office that you were ADOPTED! She said that your mother and father couldn’t have children when they were missionaries in Puerto Rico, and one day they found you as an orphan on the streets there and adopted you. That is why you can speak Spanish so well… and since you were once an orphan, you are emotionally cold and don’t want to get married.”
The truth is that Jason is our first-born son and we took him with us to Puerto Rico when he was 3 years old. He studied in Puerto Rican schools (instead of putting him in a private American school) and graduated Valedictorian of his high school class. Before going on to Dental School, he majored in Spanish and psychology at Miami University in Ohio. He has read all of the classic literature of famed Spanish writers and knows the structure of the language better than most people of Latin descent. He is now a respected and successful Orthodontist living in Florida and is in a meaningful relationship with a wonderful woman. But because one person couldn’t understand how he spoke fluent Spanish, she just made up a story so that she could be the center of attention for a few minutes to all who would listen to her. Who knows how many people think Dr. Barlock was “rescued of the streets of Puerto Rico” by two kind-hearted missionaries? One thing is sure; that lady has NEVER visited Puerto Rico… it is the most beautiful and prosperous island in the Caribbean --- oh yes – and extremely family oriented. You can’t just “find” an orphan abandoned on its streets; I never saw one in my 22 years of living there.
People just love to have something to say that will amaze their listeners. If you have been the victim of gossip, you know just how absurd the stories can become.
Some of the most painful stories to be fabricated against me were invented by a man who once confessed to me that he was very jealous of my ministry. His rumors spread amongst all of our mutual friends and finally cost him the church that he built with his own hands. People close to him recognized that he was defaming me in his bitterness and asked him to step down from the pulpit.
On the other hand, there is an upside to being the victim of gossip! First, it is an honor to be able to suffer the same ridicule that Jesus experienced in His ministry. Second, Jesus taught that victims of gossip (Christians, of course) would be highly rewarded in heaven!
"Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake. Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.” Mat. 5:11-12
Most of us make the mistake of judging others by how we perceive them. As soon as we talk about someone based on our perceptions, we start the flame of gossip.
Some years ago we had an incident at the international convention of our fellowship of churches in Puerto Rico. A charismatic young man had left his church because he couldn’t have his way and became resentful. He had spoken against his pastor all over town, but attended the convention on Sunday morning, which was the final event. The meeting was remarkable and ended with an alter call where hundreds were gathered at the front praying and being touched by the Holy Spirit. I ended the meeting with a final prayer and noticed that the young man had made his way to the front just as I was closing the convention. I knelt down and spoke into the microphone and said: “it is good that you come forward to repent, but so that you understand how your gossip has spread; go into the field next to us with a feather pillow – cut it open and throw the feathers into the wind – then go and pick them all up” The lesson was not only for him but also for those standing around at the altar; our gossip can be repented of – but the effect of it is almost impossible to clean up! It has a way of continuing from ear to ear long after we realize that we were wrong to speak against another person. I have seen reputations ruined forever because of one person rumoring a tale.
My mother taught me a hard lesson when I was 13 years old. She overheard me make a comment about a girl in my school. I told a friend that I thought she was a “whore”. My mother slapped me in the mouth, found out the girls name and address and drove me to her home and made me apologize for what I had said about her. After my embarrassing apology I got back into the car with my mom and she said: “Well, David I have to admit, she does look like a whore, but don’t ever be the one to ruin a person’s reputation.” The next day at school was another story… the girl has told everyone about the episode – I can’t even put into words how I felt that whole day.
Our words are important; we can build other people up or tear them down. We can use our words to encourage or discourage; we can use them to make someone’s life easier or impossible.
Most importantly, our words will follow us into the Day of Judgment:
"But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned." Mat. 12:36
That will be an interesting day for all of us. On that day the truth will be known in the light of God’s presence… all rumors will be settled forever, all gossip will finish and each of us will appear as we really are, not the way others portrayed us to be.
In his letter to the Colossians, Paul instructed them concerning the way they spoke to one another:
“But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.” Col. 3:8
“Let your speech always be with grace…” Col. 4:6
If we speak with grace, we speak with favor for others. It is as simple as that. We bless others instead of criticizing and find ways to say things that will build people up instead of tearing them down.
Let me close with a verse that I often use when praying to start out my day:
“Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; Keep watch over the door of my lips.” Psa. 141:3
I want to be one who spreads the Good News – not the bad. When people see me coming, I want them to say “Oh, here comes a blessing!” Not “Oh boy, now we’ll hear some juicy stories!”
I will be the first to admit that I need to make improvements! Eternity is just a breath away for all of us and our sincere goal should be to be found “perfect in Christ…” (Col 1:28 NKJV) That goal my friends, can only be achieved if we take the challenge of taming our tongue seriously.
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